A good friend of mine is in the obituary writing business. But she does it for people who are still alive. Seriously. When you think about it though - wouldn't you want to see your obituary before you die? I mean, what did people think about you? What were you known for? What are people going to remember about you once you are gone? So here's my obituary.
Enjoy!! (....that sounds pretty morbid, doesn't it? :P )
India ****____________________________April 3, 1992- January 18, 2011
India **** was not born in India. Neither was she born to an Indian family. She did not resemble the country of India (although if you looked at her hair at a certain angle on particularly windy days, you *might* find some resemblance in shape). She did not even resemble the people from India (unless there's some dazzlingly pretty white girl with red hair out there in India someplace). Instead, Mrs. **** of ********, South Dakota named her daughter India because she... liked that name. I guess.
From the moment that India took her first breath of air in this world, she was on a mission. A mission to own at least part of world peace. This purpose was first revealed to India when she was 18 months old, and her mother was feeding her whirled peas. As she eyed the peas, she formed some sort of bond. As she grew older, her bond developed from whirled peas to world peace. Ssslllight difference, but inherently (in this case) the same.
India was an awesome girl who loved to dance and do math... and she ESPECIALLY loved lollipops. What is especially interesting about this is that she would eat eighty-three lollipops every day. But her teeth were naturally very straight. India would often encourage her friends to eat lollipops so they would have straight teeth too... Apparently, her teeth were so straight that she couldn't even count them! They all just meshed in with each other and blended in.
Every day, India would spend much time pondering her mission. She was determined to one day fly throughout the world, and see children she influenced, all holding hands and eating whirled peas.
Then one day as India sat staring dreamily at her computer screen one day while sucking on a lollipop and attempting to study, it hit her! Then it hit her. Ouch! After instructing her brother to quit playing dogeball in the house, she went back to her realization. If she could just provide lollipops to everyone in the world, world peace would form! India mounted her elephant and hurried on over to the store. There, she discovered... whirled-pea-flavored lollipops! She immediately bought out the store's entire stock and ordered more. As soon as they came in, India began her world-wide World Peace and Whirled Peas mission trip. She calculated that it would take somewhere in the neighborhood of 12.48392847956347 years to deliver her planned number of lollipops.
January 1, 2011, India set out on her elephant to her first destination, Washington DC, her bags stuffed full of whirled-pea-flavored lollipops. She arrived the city in the evening of January 17th and was heading towards the White House when... An enormous cloud of ticks descended upon India and her elephant. India felt her heart going 'TOCK TOCK TOCK TOCK..” in order to keep pace with the ticks. But to her surprise, the ticks did not hurt her at all, but instead flooded her bags and consumed all her lollipops. The ticks continued this late into the night, and early the next morning, they were almost finished. But then, one tick mistook the elephant's eyeball for a lollipop and bit it. This hurt and frightened the elephant, who suddenly bolted, India clinging to its back. The large beast ran directly to the White House, jumped the tall fence, and crashed through a wall and into the Oval Office which is oval no longer. Rider and animal were killed instantly.
In honor of India ****'s efforts, she was granted an honorary part of World Peace by Alex Reese, owner of world peace, who also requested that all whirled peas manufactured and distributed that year bear her name.
Thus, her memory shall live on our whirled peas cartons for the rest of the year, and of course, in our hearts forever.
(my last name, and name of town removed for security reasons)
(the asterisks do not resemble one letter. they may be one, two, three, or 1/2 letters each)
(this was written by Essie - a very funny gal who lives in unknown parts as well. thanks, dear!!)
Enjoy!! (....that sounds pretty morbid, doesn't it? :P )
India ****____________________________April 3, 1992- January 18, 2011
India **** was not born in India. Neither was she born to an Indian family. She did not resemble the country of India (although if you looked at her hair at a certain angle on particularly windy days, you *might* find some resemblance in shape). She did not even resemble the people from India (unless there's some dazzlingly pretty white girl with red hair out there in India someplace). Instead, Mrs. **** of ********, South Dakota named her daughter India because she... liked that name. I guess.
From the moment that India took her first breath of air in this world, she was on a mission. A mission to own at least part of world peace. This purpose was first revealed to India when she was 18 months old, and her mother was feeding her whirled peas. As she eyed the peas, she formed some sort of bond. As she grew older, her bond developed from whirled peas to world peace. Ssslllight difference, but inherently (in this case) the same.
India was an awesome girl who loved to dance and do math... and she ESPECIALLY loved lollipops. What is especially interesting about this is that she would eat eighty-three lollipops every day. But her teeth were naturally very straight. India would often encourage her friends to eat lollipops so they would have straight teeth too... Apparently, her teeth were so straight that she couldn't even count them! They all just meshed in with each other and blended in.
Every day, India would spend much time pondering her mission. She was determined to one day fly throughout the world, and see children she influenced, all holding hands and eating whirled peas.
Then one day as India sat staring dreamily at her computer screen one day while sucking on a lollipop and attempting to study, it hit her! Then it hit her. Ouch! After instructing her brother to quit playing dogeball in the house, she went back to her realization. If she could just provide lollipops to everyone in the world, world peace would form! India mounted her elephant and hurried on over to the store. There, she discovered... whirled-pea-flavored lollipops! She immediately bought out the store's entire stock and ordered more. As soon as they came in, India began her world-wide World Peace and Whirled Peas mission trip. She calculated that it would take somewhere in the neighborhood of 12.48392847956347 years to deliver her planned number of lollipops.
January 1, 2011, India set out on her elephant to her first destination, Washington DC, her bags stuffed full of whirled-pea-flavored lollipops. She arrived the city in the evening of January 17th and was heading towards the White House when... An enormous cloud of ticks descended upon India and her elephant. India felt her heart going 'TOCK TOCK TOCK TOCK..” in order to keep pace with the ticks. But to her surprise, the ticks did not hurt her at all, but instead flooded her bags and consumed all her lollipops. The ticks continued this late into the night, and early the next morning, they were almost finished. But then, one tick mistook the elephant's eyeball for a lollipop and bit it. This hurt and frightened the elephant, who suddenly bolted, India clinging to its back. The large beast ran directly to the White House, jumped the tall fence, and crashed through a wall and into the Oval Office which is oval no longer. Rider and animal were killed instantly.
In honor of India ****'s efforts, she was granted an honorary part of World Peace by Alex Reese, owner of world peace, who also requested that all whirled peas manufactured and distributed that year bear her name.
Thus, her memory shall live on our whirled peas cartons for the rest of the year, and of course, in our hearts forever.
(my last name, and name of town removed for security reasons)
(the asterisks do not resemble one letter. they may be one, two, three, or 1/2 letters each)
(this was written by Essie - a very funny gal who lives in unknown parts as well. thanks, dear!!)
Wow . . . that is so touching!
ReplyDelete*tears of emotion, sorrow, and laughter*
I can't wait to see mine now! And now I want one of those "visualize whirled peas" t-shirts even more!
Laughing Hysterically!
ReplyDelete